Day 6

I just weighed myself this morning and I've lost 10lbs in 5 days or 6 days I guess. Well no, technically it's 5 days since I started Monday morning, well wait, that means 6 days huh? Anyhoo, I've lost 10lbs., I'm so happy and feel somewhat determined. I say somewhat only because in the last couple of days I've had heart palpitations and I've been trying to figure out what is causing it.  I unfortunately can't drink tea or coffee because of the caffeine, yet I could drink soda. Strong tea and coffee gives me heart palpitations and makes my heart beat super fast, scary fast.

Some years ago I went into the ER thinking I was having a heart attack and the dr.s told me I was having a panic attack. I refused to agree with them because at the moment I wasn't under any stress or upset. At the contrary I was super happy so it just didn't make sense. It happened in 2010 and I went in 2x that year and 3 times in early 2011 for the same reason, thinking it was a heart attack. In time I quickly found out I'm just allergic to caffeine in high dosages.  So tea and coffee are a big NO NO for me, also ginger. Ginger has the same effect, which sucks because I love ginger in my juices. I can have really small amounts of it, but then I want more and I can't.  So this time around, my heart palpitations haven't been as bad as in the past, but they are still discomforting and worrisome. My husband says it's just me feeling more energy. He could be right because when I do get them I feel like going for a run, I haven't done so yet because it's in the middle of the night or I'm just feeling lazy at nights after work and during the day I'm at work so I can't go running.  Then I start thinking, WTF, is this what energy feels like. I'm 37 yrs. old and I've never known (or can't remember) what it feels like to have energy so I may just be energized, who knows. Either way, I will get checked when I come back from Japan in April.

Oh yeah, I leave for Japan next Monday on the 24th for work. Only for a week. I'll have to break my juice fast, but I'm OK with it because at times I do feel like I'm starving myself. Although I'm not because I'm juicing and making sure I get all my vitamins and proteins in my juices.  I do miss eating though. However, losing 10lbs has me excited to lose more. If I lost 10 in 5 days, I hope I can lose 20lbs in 10-14 days.  I still have the rest of the day ahead of me and it's Saturday so it might be hard for me, but my husband said he'll do it with me this weekend so I won't feel bad when we're out.  He's so nice, but I want him to eat because he is too thin. You see, we are like Kermit the Frog & Ms. Piggy.  I need to lose and he needs to gain. He's 6'1 and weighs 168lbs. For his height, he is too thin.  It's embarrassing to say that I weigh more than double his size.  Hopefully not for long!

Day 4

Wow, I've actually stuck to it. Last time around I cheated on day 4 with some chicken at my mom's. Today I'm cooking dinner for my husband and just put a teeny tiny bit of of the fried skin in my mouth of his fake fried chicken.  It disolved in my mouth. All days hasn't been so bad, but when I got home and cooked for my husband for the first time since starting the detox, I grew very weak. However, I survived!

Day 2

Today was a hard long day. I'm hungry and have a headache. In the morning and early afternoon I was fine. wasn't so hungry. I had lunch drink at 2pm because I wasn't so hungry. At around 4 I started starving and my stomach started making starving noises. That's when my headache started. I was sooooo tempted to eat today too. My boss decided to buy Mr. Baguette for the office. Mr. Baguette is like a Subways. I played with the thought of a sandwich still being healthy and if I'm to cheat it's best with a sandwich. I toyed with that for about 5 minutes and had to tear down walls in my brain in order to find my will power. Tomorrow I have another test. I have a meeting where I'm sure they will have some food, they always do. It's with Malaysia Tourism Board and they always have something or their staff may want to go for lunch. We'll see what happens.
As far as tonight, i'm hungry still, but won't eat. I want to stay strong, but it's hard when food pops in my mind. Food like chicken wings, cookies, Loius in Downtown LA.   Ok, I need to stop this.  Going to drink my juice right now, but first I have to tell my hubby the new veggies I want. He's going shopping today for more veggies for my drinks.

Take 4- Tired of being FAT

Wow, I'm in shock to read my old posts, starting from 2010. Last year I didn't post anything. So here I go again...same ol same ol, but maybe with a twist.

It's 2014 and today I weighed in at 303lbs. Started juicing again today. Still married to Mike. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part I'm on a good high right now. We still hardly ever have sex, but we do love each other and can't seem to know what we would do if we weren't together. Mike is currently making my juice and will do so for the next 9 days, 10 days in total. Today and tomorrow I will have the same, kale, lemon, celery, apple, cucumber and oranges. I think Wednesday I will need to spice things up a bit. Oh yeah, today is Monday. Starting the week with a diet like usual. I'm leaving to Japan for the 4th time on March 24th and hope to lose some weight in order to fit comfortably on the plane. This is my new goal. I still have my goal of losing a lot of weight and getting pregnant, but that still hasn't happened.

So I'm back to square 1 or should I say TAKE 4. It's sad I know, but this is the life of a person who is fat and loves food with no will power. The twist, why a twist and is it even a real TWIST. Probably not, but it's something, I just can't find a word for it. My twist is that I'm aware that I've never finished any of my goals in life, at least the important ones that count. Like for example, I will start something like school and never finish. Didn't finish college. I will start a diet and never lose or stick with it long enough to see good, lasting results. Well the twist is that I'm 37 years old and I think it's about damn time I start and finish something important. I want that important thing to be this juice diet. My goal is 10 days and see how it goes. I leave in 14 days, but I'll set a small goal of 10 days and see how it goes. I can drink soup and eat jello, but I want to just veggie/fruit juice until I'm about to kill someone and then only until then will I have soup and maybe jello.

Take 3 - April 2012

Please forgive me for my grammer and bunch of typos that I will have every day. I type fast and sometimes I make errorr by accident and purposely and am just too lazy to go back and fix them. This is my disclaimer, nothing more and nothing less. So 2 years ago in 2010 I started this blog and so far this is my 3rd blog. I only wrote 1 blog in 2010 and a year later in 2011 I wrote another blog of how tired I was of being fat and I was going to lose weight and of course that never happend because here i am writing my 3rd blog and still fat weighing around the same. Today I weight myself was weighing in at 297.0 so not much has changed other than I have more gray hair, and more wrinkles with dark marks on my face. I'm 35, 5'2, 297lbs, married and haven't had sex with my husband since Feb. 2011, yes that is correct, since FEB 2011. It's both of our faults, really. not just his and not just mine. we're too lazy, too depressed and to turned off of each other to even try to have sex. what's new this year is that i watched fat sick and dying and that's my new thing this year. every year it's something new that I don't complete....pretty pathetic I know. i'm juicing now, did it before back in '03 or '04. lost 12lbs in 9 days and gained it all back and just never did it again. ended up trashing the jack lalane juicer. I'm back doing it again and wake up so determined, drive to work and arrive so determined and then i get weak and eat. This morning i've pigged out on 2 hawaiian chocolates, bunch of cheetos and a bunch of animal cookies, I finished the animal cookie bag that I opened yesterday. Now as I sit here typing, my heart is beating fast of all the sugar and I feel like crap. I really need will power to just say NO to junkfood that is in my drawer at work and around me. I know I should trash it, but I just bought it yesterday, not sure why. I t felt good at the moment, it felt like a good idea even though I knew I wanted to start the next day on my journey of weightloss. It's almost as if I intentionally sabatage myself. Last year I had my trip to asia to lose weight for and the dream of getting pregnant by november. this year i have the trip to russia and spain AND the dream of getting pregnant by november again. I'm juicing every day 3 stalks of celery, 2 cucumbers and 2 lemons. this is my juice meail through out the day with the cheating snacks in between. Hoepfully today i don't mess up anymore and stick to my juice. I plan on joining the gym soon and getting a trainer at LA FITNESS and go during my lunch breaks....we'll see how that goes. I feel so full now and guilty since I just pigged out on junk food, this is the story of my life.

Take 2

Last year I had started this blog and wanted to lose weight, but it didn't happen. I had just finished watching Julia & Julia and was pretty hyped about writing my own blog so I decided to make it on losing weight. Yet that never really happened. I did lose 20lbs, but then I gained back 13. I'm now starting over. Just joined the gym today through online. I joined Ballys, so lets see if i stick to it. I used to go to the gym once a upon a time back when i was about 20. I went down to 168lbs, the thinnest i've ever been as an adult. I now weigh 297lbs and am 5'2 or 5'3. I should be weighing whatever natalie portman weighs. Just saw her on dark swan and i was disgusted. not at her, but at me. i'm supposed ot look like her yet i look like 4 of her. so supposedly tomorrow i'll go to the gym or on tuesday. i need to buy a lock and flip flops so i'll probably start tuesday. however, i do plan on exercising tomorrow if i don't go. i'll still do something here at home. this august i'm leaving to india and dubai, was supposed to have gone to egypt too, but it looks like that won't happen since all the egypt shit going on now. whatever the case is, i plan on weight 100lbs less from here on till then. will i do it.....probably not, will i try....hardly, we'll just have to see. well you'll have to see. the photo of me on the zipline is how i basically look now. that was in chiang mai thailand 2009. i weight about 299, between 295 and 299. i just remember that i was less than 300 but barely. so that picture is pretty much how i look now for those of you that are curious. I just have more wrinkles and gray hair now, that's it. so tomorrow i start. i start take 2 tomorrow. in actuality, it's take 13984578693. i've started diets and exercise so many times i've lost count. but for the sake of not confusing any of you, let just say it's take 2.

Down to 298lbs.

With this new low carb diet i'm doing i had gone down to 296lbs, but gained 2 lbs this week. I cheated, but nobody knows. I ate 4 recess easter eggs, sweet salvadoren bread and chocolates like crazy at work. On top of that I ate China Gate which is chinese food packed with msg and a shitload of sodium. However, this is a new week. Yesterday i went crazy with peanut M&M's and today so far i've had panda and Grilled KFC, yet i still have hope. All my hope is going on the Wii JUST DANCE game. I tried it last night at my sister's Judith's house with my nephews, other sister Krisia and my hubby MIke. It was fun and this is something I feel I can have fun at and lose weight at the same time. I love to dance. I used to do it alone all the time as a teenager at home. I would blast the music, shut the curtains, turn off the lights and dance away. I would pretend i was competing or at a cool HS school dance. Now I get to do that again at home and lose this fat at the same time. BTW, I'm also doing some weightloss acupuncture thing where they place them on my ears and i carry them all week. I started that 3 weeks ago and it has relieved my stress and has also helped me sleep better. So lets see if my new so called eating habits of low carb meals with absolutely none of the below foods will work. So far I've lost to this diet it while cheating so now I wonder how much more I can lose if I don't cheat and exercise:

FOODS NOT PERMITTED IN ANY QUANTITY
Almonds, avocado, barbeque sauce, beans, beer, beets, biscuits, blue cheese, bologna, bran(whatever that is), breads, cake, carrots, cereals, pie chocolate, coconut,, syrup, corn, custards, drinks, figs, flour, fruits, garbanzo, gum(unless sugar free), honey, hot dos, ice cream, jello, jicama, juices, kidneys, lentils, milanesa, milk, mole, nuts, oatmeal, pate, peanuts, pistachio, popcorn, potato chips, potatoes, pulque, rice, sacarrin, sodas, soup of beans, soy, sugar, sunflowers, sweet peas, sweet potato sweet wine, tostadas, tortillas, yogurt, tomato(unless cooked).

From these, I've had hummas which has garbanzo beans, chocolates, sweet bread, cake, sips of juice and sips of soda. That's about it. I needed to do this for 6 weeks as a detox and i cheated the first week with 1 chocolate and it just escalated from there. The first week i had lost 6lbs., second week i lost 2.5 lbs and 3rd week i gained 2. So now, I'm starting over and tomorrow I'm buying my Wii and dancing away from now on. Who's with me?